Sleeping Beauty or Life as a Dog?

This month, thanks to the early heat wave (sans a/c), has been all about the sleeping. Some might think - hey, that's the life, but no, not quite. Thanks to the pain, which wakes me up or keeps me from actually going to sleep, this has been a really yucky month.

It is all in the letters. The MS makes me sleepy and the RA (99% sure) keeps me awake because of the pain. It is either RA keeping me awake, or just the run of the mill MS pain - yippee.

For the uninitiated - MS = my pet MonSter - Multiple Sclerosis. RA is my newest friend that has been around awhile, but yet to be 100% confirmed - Rheumatoid Arthritis - it should be cleared up on August 9 (dr's appt). I don't have a good name for it but maybe Rebel Android?

So to recap - the MonSter keeps trying to knock me out, and the Rebel Android keeps shooting lasers at my left shoulder, both hands and my back to keep me awake.

Where are Spike and Captain John when I need them?

Guess it is still all in my head

Finally got the decision from the government - guess I was wrong. After six months of waiting, the government said I'm not disabled. who knew?

I DID know the majority of cases came back as such, but still, who are they kidding?

They did the mental testing -- it proved to me that my memory status was crap. They completely humiliated me and it and let me know just exactly how the mighty has fallen. Then they had the absolute nerve and gall to tell me that I am fit for duty.

Well I say !@#$ %^&@#$#$@#$^^% ~$#$!@&&*@#~#%@$%~#~@#~!# (and it is meaningless for the children that might view this blog). Suffice it to say I strongly disagree as does my husband who provides substantial assistance with ADL (activities of daily living) such as housework, grocery shopping, laundry, as well as remind me 100 times of simple little things. He also gets to listen to me complain about the pain about 3-4 times a week (instead of 24/7 which is when I feel it).

Well, I guess it IS all in my head.

What do you know? Mild carpool tunnel and......

Finally got a diagnose sis. They said it was mild carpool tunnel in the left hand, no tunnel congestion of note in the right hand (makes no sense). No cyst -- what? The huge swelling is my tendon!? Huh? Wow -- why would the tendon be so far out of whack? It was like a finger under my wrist, weird. So, back to compression, again.

The wrist surgeon doesn't want to do surgery, it isn't that bad, so just splinting and physical therapy. However--don't you just love that word--she is also sending me to an arthritis doctor because she suspects rheumatoid arthritis--yay.

It has been raining lately...

Time waits for no one, even though you ask it to

Well, life goes on, as usual. Here it is the middle of the month. Had a crazy month. Haven't accomplished much. Haven't felt good at all, which accounts for my do nothing ness, but hey, I've got a license to sit and lie now. Yay? No. But anyway.

The parents are going to move to Kentucky. So instead of being 6 hours away for 6 months a year, they will be 9 hours away for 6 months a year, and no longer in the city I grew up in. That is weird, but that is life. We all have to move on. They will be moving to a town called Gilbertsville, Kentucky. Sounds real fishing oriented, so they should have a good time and a restful time too. No more big flower gardens to weed and tend to. No visit in 4 days either.

Guess it is just me and Chris on his birthday then. I know he was so looking forward to dinner with my dad on his birthday...

Did you ever buy just the perfect gift for someone?

I know my hub won't read this, so I am safe. There is this silly pet in the World of Warcraft that you can only buy online and have it shipped to you. It is an actual little stuffed animal that comes with a card to then get a virtual pet to follow you around in game. Well, last night, Chris was chasing someone down yelling, a "mini wind rider cub!!!" This from someone who a few months ago didn't like the "silly pets and had no use for them!" (And 6'1" motorcycle riding tough guy I can't get to smile in a pic.)

I said, "so?" He said, "but I haven't seen one and it is so cute, I wanted a better look!" I said, "that is the one you have to get the stoopid stuffed animal to get." "Oh. But it's cute and ..." "No"

I had ordered 2 earlier and also the grypon (1 - for me) which is the other side's pet -- express. He said, anyway, I want the headphones.

He had just broke the end off his headphones that night. I asked if he did it on purpose -- he says no. I'm off to the store to see how much they cost. His birthday is in 18 days, and he will need a new set of headphones and he uses them every day....

Slights - Why do mine not count?

I was having a discussion with someone today about feelings, as usual, mine don't count. I have had mine hurt numerous times in the past by this person, and it didn't seem to matter that mine were hurt - I just apologized, it happened years ago, so move on. However, I was told repeatedly that I had hurt theirs by something I had done over nearly a year, and nearly a year and a half a go...but evidently they didn't need to move on quite yet -- until they said so.

This is why I say -- you don't want to know.

Carpool Tunnel - What Could Possibly Be Positive?

Well, of course, I mean carpal tunnel, not carpool tunnel. But when do my symptoms come to a head (or hand)? When I am no longer working at a desk 8-10 hours day for someone else's pay. My left hand hurts so bad I can barely stand it. I have a brace on it that I have worn during the day (or waking hours) for about 3 weeks; At night I have one that I wear that has a nice cushy pillow on it, but still has the strong metal pieces that hold my hand still and the straps that keep me confined so I can't have a normal movement to put my hair out or move my covers.

Chris calls the day one(s) my gloves-boxing, and the night one my oven mitt. Occasionally I have to put a restraint on my right hand because my right wrist will also start aching in the same fashion. Of course, both hands don't match because they didn't have the same ones at the store when we went. In addition, it wasn't like I went to a doctor to have it diagnosed and went to physical therapy for it. I still haven't started my physical therapy that WAS prescribed for my MS back pain because I haven't had benefits for a month!! I will talk to the PT when I go about the recommendations. For the left, I imagine the only remedy is surgery, because the pain will not let up regardless of immobilization and NSAIDs. The right, seems to calm down with no use.

Bright side? I am not working -- so I don't have to use them. Thank God I am not working my fingers to the bone, have to go off work for rest and then surgery, and then have to come back to work for a 40 ft pile of papers to contend with. That's the bright side. The pain is awful. I don't wish this on anyone. I can't do anything with that left hand w/o it hurting, and the braces are ridiculous. I am not sure if the MS is causing the pain to be worse than it really is, but I can see the swelling at the meeting point, so I'm doomed on that hand -- and it is the weaker one. Pooh.

But, no carpools. No tunnels. And no piles of work. Also, can't pick up stoneware plates or pots and pans. Hey!

Good News and Bad - Do you Watch "House"?

If you watch "House" this post will make sense, if you don't then less so. I had something happen today that I can't be 100% forthright about - because I don't feel the same way as Lori from "That 70's Show." She was a guest star on "House" and played someone who blogged about her life with 100% candor, honesty and also asked for her readers' opinions on every aspect of her life. I don't feel the need to do that, at this time. Even though no one had read this yet, someone actually might, so to tell you the sitch as my btvs lingo would say, doesn't sit well with me.

btw, the isn't a literary exercise in that I am trying to impress anyone with my literary and writing prowess. I can write, very well, and spell, and have done so for many, many years---if you want to read something showing these skills, by me, may I say - bite me You will not see my writing on facebook, in chat or in this blog representing my intelligence level, literary skills, or spelling ability. You will see creativity, sarcasm and wit. I hope you are ok with that, or once again, bitah mea.

Back to the regularly scheduled story: Something I had been worried about for 9 months got settled today. Not to my complete satisfaction, but settled. So I can say...ok. Good, next. That helps, you know. It is the little things. We can't always hope that everything we want will work out exactly the way we want. But to have our basic needs met is always nice. For this one, I do have to say, and I haven't yet, and I have been remiss: Thank you God for providing all of my needs according to your riches in Glory. I am sure that they are 10 people who have been whispering my name in the past few months that have had something to do with this, and I say thank you to them to. Thank you coons - you know who you are.

COBRA and Generic Drugs

Have you ever had to pay for COBRA? I have. COBRA is very expensive. You are paying your employer's entire cost for the medical benefit at the group rate. I worked for a health insurance company, so I understand the health insurance cost process, increases needed, etc. I am out of work on permanent disability as a result of a medical issue, so I know I am a heavy utilizer (no pun intended). I get it -- I cost money. I contributed to the rate increases that the employer experienced.

I am also very thankful that the President of our United States saw fit to extend the COBRA rate differential so that I have a subsidy to my COBRA rate and that I only pay 35% of the amount. Instead of around $1,100 a month, I am only paying approximately $430 a month. This will save me approximately $16,000 ($26,200-$10,300) over the 24 month period I will be forced to carry COBRA before I would be eligible for Medicare (assuming I get my disability).

Anyway, the reason for my post? I have paid for my COBRA -- 2 months - and it still isn't active! That and I have paid for a generic drug -- 10 day supply (9 days ago) $192.99. I have 2 pills left, no active drug coverage, and facing another charge to get more pills. This should have been $10 for a 3 month supply..........! I could go on to tell you the back and forth mess I have been running to get this fixed, but why? You know I haven't been sitting still, but obviously, I have been spinning my wheels -- due to no fault of my own.

Off to fight some metaphorical dragons and hopefully save another $200 dollars which ya'll know will take forever to get back. Smilles, grins, bears it and says this too shall pays.......... oops pass........lol (seriously I read that on editing......pays .........rofl!!!!)

Why I Want to Tell My Story and Why I Know you Don't Want to Know.

You can ask yourself why would I do this. One simple reason. I was talking to my mom. Love my mom. But I was going through something really rough this last month (I'll spare you the details--this post) and I relayed almost all of it to her. She sat through it silently, and then said, so is this a good time or bad time to visit (the time they had proposed in April). She ignored what I had said completely. So I got off the phone when the conversation was over and said to my husband--no one wants to know. It is pretty bad when your mom doesn't even care.

So I said, I am going to write a blog. You can read it, or not. I don't care. I need to write it for myself. My journey is mine. It is not harder than yours, but you don't know what mine is. You also don't hear what I say when I say it, so I'll write it down for you. MS is a monster and it is trying to ruin my life. I am not going to let it, which is why I decided to take control and start living it.

If you want to, you can walk with me while I try to document my journey -- and I know you don't want to know, but you may find yourself walking these paths as you grow older (much older), or you may know someone in my shoes closer to you -- or it may even BE you. Why do I know you don't want to know? Even my mom doesn't want to know...